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Smash Mouth All Star

The brief was to produce 500 words of creative writing based on a pop song. I decided to challenge myself by taking Smash Mouth’s “All Star”, pulling it apart word-by-word, and then piecing it back together to form a new narrative. I had to alter the punctuation to fit the new piece, but not a single letter was deleted, only moved somewhere else. Only a small few lines remain perfectly in-tact.

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Shopping List

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A Duet of Children’s Poems

These updated poems were first written by me in 2005, not for any particular reason. I tried to link them together into a series of poems about different animals either going on adventures or learning important life lessons, though that never came to fruition. Maybe one day.

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Stanford Experiment (#BASE)

In 2006 my A-Level drama group created a half-hour piece of theatre based on the 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment of Dr Zimbardo. A lot of time, sweat and tears went into the production, and so did this poem, which kicked off the piece (this version is edited, as the original was filled with mistakes in meter and rhyme):

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I cannot tell you how overjoyed I was to rediscover this poem. First written to be performed at a student open mic night, I gave it a thorough edit and submitted it a year later as part of my final Creative Writing handover (hence the rationale, which is about as good as explaining a joke ever is). This poem is in no way dirty, so take your filthy mind out the gutter.

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Stop Writing Poetry

A friend of mine (hi, Paul!) recently held an anti-poetry evening with some like-minded fans of verse (sporting a “Poetry is Shit” t-shirt) – it’s quite fitting then that I should stumble upon this little poem that I quite like. As with most poems that I’ve neglected in the past, I don’t truly recall what manner of hard times or thoughts spurred me to write this, but I like it all the same.  I might even read this to myself when I am old.

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Love, Alabaster

A poem from my student years, discovered deep in my hard drive. I recall that I had attempted to write something that would sound good with the tempo of a runaway train, but that would slow to a gentle stop in the final line. I implemented dactylic heptameter to achieve this. Did I succeed? Read it out and let me know!

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Confidently Enamoured

A poem from 2009, that I seem to have written a rationale for; I attempted to write a love poem without the word ‘love’ in it. This one’s fun out loud due to my choice of Dactylic Tetrameter; the nature of the structure is that it rolls off the tongue as an ever-flowing list.

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The Season of Winter

The season…

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Sim ill arse hounds

Another Creative Writing challenge was to produce something where the first line was the same as the last line. Inspired by nonsense poems, I tried to create a series of near-limericks that have the same first and last lines – but also, these repeated lines sound almost identical to the next poem’s first and last Read More

The Worst Tribute of All Time

If you haven’t yet caught the incredible Worst Idea of All Time podcast by Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery (on the network) then you’d better drop whatever it is you’re doing and give it a listen now! It’s some of the funniest spontaneous content on the web, and true gold comedy. Long story short, I sent Read More

Poetic Feet & Meter

The answer is that I try to construct such poetry whilst strictly obeying my chosen syllabic foot and line meter. What does this mean? Well, my latest embarrassment of a business card was created with the hopes that more people will be able to identify these poetic constructions, and try sticking to them when they Read More

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