UWE ITC – ‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore (2009)

Here is the explosive final scene (but you can watch the whole thing from the UWE ITC Vimeo account at https://vimeo.com/user2729874/videos/) – I played Florio, father of the doomed siblings. This is the production featured in another written piece of mine: Simon Garrington Goes to Hospital Read More

Shopping List

Eggs Lettuce Envelopes Pickles Hacksaw Aspirin Nytol Toothbrushes Bulbs Utterly butterly Rhubarb Shovel Tarpaulin Seeds Towels Raincoat Anchovies Wire Bleach Energy drink Raspberries Roses Yoghurt Juice Alkaline Acidic salt Mother’s day card Read More

A Duet of Children’s Poems

These updated poems were first written by me in 2005, not for any particular reason. I tried to link them together into a series of poems about different animals either going on adventures or learning important life lessons, though that never came to fruition. Maybe one day. Read More


In spring of 2010 we were tasked with creating a short scene of Tragedy, pulling influence from materials studied. I wrote a contemporary adaptation of Antigone, moving the story’s events to modern day Iraq, where my semi-fabricated conflict of American Occupiers against Militant Insurgents replaces the Civil War that precedes Sophocles’ play. Read More

Stanford Experiment (#BASE)

In 2006 my A-Level drama group created a half-hour piece of theatre based on the 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment of Dr Zimbardo. A lot of time, sweat and tears went into the production, and so did this poem, which kicked off the piece (this version is edited, as the original was filled with mistakes in meter and rhyme): Read More

Monty on Brainiac

During the summer of 2006 I saw a particularly rubbish snippet of a television show called Brainiac Test Tube Baby in which a child made a funny face for 15 seconds of fame, and thought, “I could do that”. I emailed the show, saying that I could do at least 5 interesting things with my Read More

Good versus Evil in American Professional Wrestling

A university essay I produced for a module on representing the self and representing others. Researching this piece truly opened my eyes to the narrative-driven, entertaining, and deceptively well-planned world of American professional wrestling. Read More


I cannot tell you how overjoyed I was to rediscover this poem. First written to be performed at a student open mic night, I gave it a thorough edit and submitted it a year later as part of my final Creative Writing handover (hence the rationale, which is about as good as explaining a joke ever is). This poem is in no way dirty, so take your filthy mind out the gutter. Read More

Simon Garrington Goes to Hospital

Another 500-word creative writing challenge – write something based on real-life events. When I visited Minsk almost a decade ago with a student theatre group, I kept track of everything in a leather-bound diary (snarf snarf snarf – what a nerd). The one momentous happening that never reached the pages of my journal was when Simon had to go to a Belarusian hospital, where a burly nurse administered an injection to his rump, for which he was expressly thankful. I used this opportunity to write down Simon’s experience, from the time-damaged memory of his own recount at the time (plus a few embellishments, natch). Read More

What is Meant by ‘Theme’?

The first hand-in for a 1st-year-undergrad university course on Creative Writing I took in 2009. I couldn’t bring myself to read all of it again, it’s so badly informed (notice the complete lack of critical perspective in my bibliography). I assume that I’d rushed this last minute; choosing instead to dedicate the weeks I had in preparation to partying and playing megadrive. That first line even – eurgh! “EVERY film and play has at least one defining theme”?! What tosh. Past Monty is, and always will be, an imbecile. Well, enjoy…

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Stop Writing Poetry

A friend of mine (hi, Paul!) recently held an anti-poetry evening with some like-minded fans of verse (sporting a “Poetry is Shit” t-shirt) – it’s quite fitting then that I should stumble upon this little poem that I quite like. As with most poems that I’ve neglected in the past, I don’t truly recall what manner of hard times or thoughts spurred me to write this, but I like it all the same.  I might even read this to myself when I am old.

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Love, Alabaster

A poem from my student years, discovered deep in my hard drive. I recall that I had attempted to write something that would sound good with the tempo of a runaway train, but that would slow to a gentle stop in the final line. I implemented dactylic heptameter to achieve this. Did I succeed? Read it out and let me know!
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